(from Mildred’s recollections of ‘That Kowalski’)

Well honey, I says to that Kowalski, what dya call that dear, an’ I points ta the thing he’s wearin’ round his middle. Well a course he has ta make out I’m pointin’ at his you know what. Let’s face it, that’s all they wancha ta do, unless they’s the sorta guys that’s inta football or automobiles or gowin’ to tha moon, which Kowalski never was, I’se glad ta tell ya. I says, Kowalski, I knows what ya calls that. I says, I’se talkin’ about the luggage strap ya got holdin’ ya pants up. He says, Mildred, that’s a belt. He says, I woulda thought you’d a knowed that. I says, Kowalski, it doan look like no belt I ever seen. I says, Kowalski, that’s you wearin’ a luggage strap. He says, whaddya mean a luggage strap? I says, Kowalski, I woulda thought you’d a knowed that. Well, that sure shuts him up. He says, Mildred, this is the belt what came with the pants. I says, Kowalski they musta seen ya comin’. He says, Mildred, this is whatcha calls ya fashionable sorta garment. He says, Mildred, this is what ya calls ya fashionable accessory, an’ he gives it a little tug to tighten it up, like as if’n it was a luggage strap. I says, Kowalski, that ain’t no fashion item, youse wearin’ I says, they’s nuthin’ but a pair a freight trousers. He says, Mildred, what the hell’s a pair a freight trousers? I says, Kowalski, you knows perfectly well what a pair a freight trousers is. They’s a pair a pants with pockets down the legs fer ya ta carry all ya bits an’ pieces in. He says, no.no, no, Mildred, ya got it all wrong. I says, I do? He says, sure ya do. I says, OK wise guy, so whadda you call ‘em? He says, these here pants, on accounta they got ya pockets down ya legs fer carryin’ ya cargo in, an’ bearin’ in mind which side a ya Atlantic ya livin’ on, are known by all reasonable, fashion aware people, as ya goods trousers. Well, honey, that sure shuts me up.

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